Ambrose Ackroyd
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An exasperated Prince Andrew has revealed that despite lowering his prices, he has had “no takers” for his ex-wife. Sarah Ferguson, known to the world as ‘Stupid Ginger’, is available at £2.50 plus a bag of sweets, yet remains on the market.
Andrew, who is available for £500,000, said “I started off at £25, thinking that I’d get some business pretty quickly. Maybe from Americans – they’ll talk to anyone. But when I realised after a couple of weeks that nobody was even approaching me to negotiate, I said to myself – this is going to be tough.”
The Duke of York then lowered the price to £10 and threw in the bag of sweets, and was involved in “lengthy negotiations” with an Arab Sheikh who wanted her for what he called “administrative work”. However, after two days, the talks broke down, with the Sheikh claiming that despite his billions of oil dollars, £10 and the bag of sweets was “a spicy price”.
Sheikh Al-Byen Ithing said “This way too much for Stupid Ginger. In the Middle East, we like to haggle, but frankly, when I looked at the ins and outs of this thing, I say to Mr Duke of York – you man of the past, me man of the future, you should be paying me! He said not on your nelly, that’s not how we do things here in Royal Family, I say that I am Royal Family, he nothing but a little weedy man with a Stupid Ginger nobody want. On that, I leave.”
Negotiations ended abruptly, with the Sheikh and his delegation leaving angrily, knocking some papers on the floor in disgust.
Other members of the Royal Family are available at knock-down prices. Prince Edward has been snapped up by a keen Hair Replacement surgeon for 30p, and Prince Phillip has been purchased by Trevor Phillips, who has promised not to let him out until his time is up.
Indeed, one keen entrepreneur has set up www.royalcompare.com, through which those interested in purchasing members of the Royal Family can compare prices and services. Founder Nicholas Witchell says that “the site is amazing. Basically, if you fill in certain fields, you can find the Royal Family member you want. I managed to save £326.23 on my Royal Family member – just by going to royalcompare.com… you fill in, say, the number of handshakes you want them to do, whether you want an interview or whether you just want them to stand in the corner at a dinner party, and it gives you a list of Royals, with their prices. Fergie’s still on there for £2.50 and a bag of peanuts, but whether she’s actually a Royal or not is debatable.”
Andrew, who is available for £500,000, said “I started off at £25, thinking that I’d get some business pretty quickly. Maybe from Americans – they’ll talk to anyone. But when I realised after a couple of weeks that nobody was even approaching me to negotiate, I said to myself – this is going to be tough.”
The Duke of York then lowered the price to £10 and threw in the bag of sweets, and was involved in “lengthy negotiations” with an Arab Sheikh who wanted her for what he called “administrative work”. However, after two days, the talks broke down, with the Sheikh claiming that despite his billions of oil dollars, £10 and the bag of sweets was “a spicy price”.
Sheikh Al-Byen Ithing said “This way too much for Stupid Ginger. In the Middle East, we like to haggle, but frankly, when I looked at the ins and outs of this thing, I say to Mr Duke of York – you man of the past, me man of the future, you should be paying me! He said not on your nelly, that’s not how we do things here in Royal Family, I say that I am Royal Family, he nothing but a little weedy man with a Stupid Ginger nobody want. On that, I leave.”
Negotiations ended abruptly, with the Sheikh and his delegation leaving angrily, knocking some papers on the floor in disgust.
Other members of the Royal Family are available at knock-down prices. Prince Edward has been snapped up by a keen Hair Replacement surgeon for 30p, and Prince Phillip has been purchased by Trevor Phillips, who has promised not to let him out until his time is up.
Indeed, one keen entrepreneur has set up www.royalcompare.com, through which those interested in purchasing members of the Royal Family can compare prices and services. Founder Nicholas Witchell says that “the site is amazing. Basically, if you fill in certain fields, you can find the Royal Family member you want. I managed to save £326.23 on my Royal Family member – just by going to royalcompare.com… you fill in, say, the number of handshakes you want them to do, whether you want an interview or whether you just want them to stand in the corner at a dinner party, and it gives you a list of Royals, with their prices. Fergie’s still on there for £2.50 and a bag of peanuts, but whether she’s actually a Royal or not is debatable.”
