andrewmoquin
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Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister.... and now wish to withdraw that statement. ~Mark Twain
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. ~Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir ... mighty scarce. ~Mark Twain
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. ~Jimmy Durante
I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. ~Spike Milligan
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money! ~ Henny Youngman
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'. ~Joe Namath
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. ~Bob Hope
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. ~Unknown
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. ~Unknown
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac. ~ Unknown
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good .. spit it out. ~Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. ~Unknown
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. ~Unknown
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. ~Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir ... mighty scarce. ~Mark Twain
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. ~Jimmy Durante
I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. ~Spike Milligan
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money! ~ Henny Youngman
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'. ~Joe Namath
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. ~Bob Hope
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. ~Unknown
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. ~Unknown
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac. ~ Unknown
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good .. spit it out. ~Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. ~Unknown
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. ~Unknown
