arabianights
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I'm having great difficulty writing this; not because of the content but because for perhaps the first time on t2w I don't want to be an attention whore but the subject matter makes it almost inevitable. All I want to say, really, is that I had a complete mental breakdown last Wednesday and it has been until today that I could even countance putting it on the net. In fact this may be a sweet spot - in a month's time I may have surpressed it all and never ne able to post this.
The details of said breakdown are completely unimportant, by which I mean irrelevant to
trading. All I'm wanting to get across is that mental illness is a real illness and there's no more shame in admitteting to having it than in having measels. What is steangest of all is that I used to counsel folk with similar conditions but never got my head around what it's like until last week. You cannot just think yourself better. I really thought you could.
And I am immensely fortunate. I sent precisely the same document abount what I'd been doing to my mother and my boss. My mother is making a lot of time from her busy schedule to see me
next week and my boss invited me to Sunday dinner. This is about the best possible result one could ever get from such a no holds barred confession as I made. BTW if you ask I can send you
it - handwritten it was thirteen pages and took hours to write. Lesser bosses could have terminated contracts at once. Lesser mothers could have been cruel rather than underatanding.
Seems to me the very least that I can do is post this thread - for all the lulz etc I hope I still have some respect here as a level headed trader, my boss knows exactly what has gone on, probably to a degree which has made him uncomfortable, and in fact he knows what I will be trading again tomorrow with three seperate company accounts - but he knows Ii can do it even if I have to pop a xanax at five am. He's far more progressive than me and to repay that I hope this thread goes just the tiniest way to removing the stigma of depression and similar conditions.
And a last thought if you don't think this can happen to you... I don't even have anything to be depressed about and my drug usage has massively declined from what it was... There is no trigger here I can find... so if nothing else as confucius said when relating the golden ruke. Reciprocate. If you don't think this can happen to you, you're a fool. I was a fool.
Oh, and the weirdest thing? I think if I'd listened to trader dante more he'd have told me this.
The details of said breakdown are completely unimportant, by which I mean irrelevant to
trading. All I'm wanting to get across is that mental illness is a real illness and there's no more shame in admitteting to having it than in having measels. What is steangest of all is that I used to counsel folk with similar conditions but never got my head around what it's like until last week. You cannot just think yourself better. I really thought you could.
And I am immensely fortunate. I sent precisely the same document abount what I'd been doing to my mother and my boss. My mother is making a lot of time from her busy schedule to see me
next week and my boss invited me to Sunday dinner. This is about the best possible result one could ever get from such a no holds barred confession as I made. BTW if you ask I can send you
it - handwritten it was thirteen pages and took hours to write. Lesser bosses could have terminated contracts at once. Lesser mothers could have been cruel rather than underatanding.
Seems to me the very least that I can do is post this thread - for all the lulz etc I hope I still have some respect here as a level headed trader, my boss knows exactly what has gone on, probably to a degree which has made him uncomfortable, and in fact he knows what I will be trading again tomorrow with three seperate company accounts - but he knows Ii can do it even if I have to pop a xanax at five am. He's far more progressive than me and to repay that I hope this thread goes just the tiniest way to removing the stigma of depression and similar conditions.
And a last thought if you don't think this can happen to you... I don't even have anything to be depressed about and my drug usage has massively declined from what it was... There is no trigger here I can find... so if nothing else as confucius said when relating the golden ruke. Reciprocate. If you don't think this can happen to you, you're a fool. I was a fool.
Oh, and the weirdest thing? I think if I'd listened to trader dante more he'd have told me this.
