I really don't know how to start this post, and seem to write it, then delete it, but the honest, and frank responses I get from people on this forum I've decided to just write it.
The bottom line is, that I need your help guys.
I just feel so drained, scared, and emotionally broken at the moment, yet there hasn't been any specific trading factor that has brought me to this point. There hasn't been a significant loss or any traumatic instances in my private life either.
After being taught how to trade properly by a trader who has worked for the bank of England also, and I've took time out from live trading, and back tested his strategy to the back of beyond on a 5 min chart, and even live paper trading has produced the same results, Infact I'm now at the point where trading makes perfect sense, and I can see trades just pop out of the charts, but I just cant take live trades.
As unbelievable as this may sound, just to give an eg. of last weeks trades on FTSE alone at 1% risk was:
Mon 4%,
Tues 7%
Wed 5%
Thurs5%
Fri 5%
And this does not include the opening spikes at 8am, or Non farm trading, and very conservatively instead of counting the paper traded 1:3 ratio's etc I have counted them as 1:1.
Yet I didnt make a dime, as I was crippled with fear every time I go to trade.
I even thought about paying someone to get this strategy automated, and was told very honestly by members of this forum that it is a very hard process to get right(putting it mildly).
This is my full time job working from home, yet I procrastinate so I don't have to get out of bed to face the charts, yet when I do get up I feel sick to my stomach when I turn the computer on. Then although I have the charts running in the background I just browse the internet instead till about 4pm, then at 4.30pm back test how many % was on the table that day, feel very angry at myself, and tell myself that tomorrow will be different and I will trade, yet the same process repeats itself.
I've taken time away from the charts by going on long holidays with the gf. Taken months off at a time away from charts.
I even asked a friend to pop over and trade with me to just type in the trades I shout on my account for a %age return of the profits, but the said friend was more interested in wanting to know my strategy, and for me to teach him, that the whole days would be taken up by me explaining everything to him, and trading would take a back seat. This was good for me, as I didn't have to trade, and good for him as he learnt what to do. Unfortunately when I had taught him all I know he just seemed too busy to pop over. I then asked another friend, and the same process took place, and now both my friends are working together, and doing very well, yet before they didn't know anything they were willing to promise anything, and doing everything to help me, and now they don't want to know, as they're busy working together, and don't have time to even call to see how I'm doing, yet they send a txt to let me know how well they're doing, and yes every time I receive the txts it makes me feel used, angry and bitter.
I have been brought up not to lie, yet when friends or family ask how things are going I just say things like "Yes I saw plenty today", or "there was plenty of opportunities today" which they assume means I've had a good day, and I wont put them right, but just smile. Yes its technically not lying, yet I feel like I am lying to myself everyday, and this just destroys me.
If there's any words of advise, pearls of wisdom that anyone can give me, or by those who have been through this and come out the other end can give me I would greatly appreciate it.
Thank you
Best
John.
The bottom line is, that I need your help guys.
I just feel so drained, scared, and emotionally broken at the moment, yet there hasn't been any specific trading factor that has brought me to this point. There hasn't been a significant loss or any traumatic instances in my private life either.
After being taught how to trade properly by a trader who has worked for the bank of England also, and I've took time out from live trading, and back tested his strategy to the back of beyond on a 5 min chart, and even live paper trading has produced the same results, Infact I'm now at the point where trading makes perfect sense, and I can see trades just pop out of the charts, but I just cant take live trades.
As unbelievable as this may sound, just to give an eg. of last weeks trades on FTSE alone at 1% risk was:
Mon 4%,
Tues 7%
Wed 5%
Thurs5%
Fri 5%
And this does not include the opening spikes at 8am, or Non farm trading, and very conservatively instead of counting the paper traded 1:3 ratio's etc I have counted them as 1:1.
Yet I didnt make a dime, as I was crippled with fear every time I go to trade.
I even thought about paying someone to get this strategy automated, and was told very honestly by members of this forum that it is a very hard process to get right(putting it mildly).
This is my full time job working from home, yet I procrastinate so I don't have to get out of bed to face the charts, yet when I do get up I feel sick to my stomach when I turn the computer on. Then although I have the charts running in the background I just browse the internet instead till about 4pm, then at 4.30pm back test how many % was on the table that day, feel very angry at myself, and tell myself that tomorrow will be different and I will trade, yet the same process repeats itself.
I've taken time away from the charts by going on long holidays with the gf. Taken months off at a time away from charts.
I even asked a friend to pop over and trade with me to just type in the trades I shout on my account for a %age return of the profits, but the said friend was more interested in wanting to know my strategy, and for me to teach him, that the whole days would be taken up by me explaining everything to him, and trading would take a back seat. This was good for me, as I didn't have to trade, and good for him as he learnt what to do. Unfortunately when I had taught him all I know he just seemed too busy to pop over. I then asked another friend, and the same process took place, and now both my friends are working together, and doing very well, yet before they didn't know anything they were willing to promise anything, and doing everything to help me, and now they don't want to know, as they're busy working together, and don't have time to even call to see how I'm doing, yet they send a txt to let me know how well they're doing, and yes every time I receive the txts it makes me feel used, angry and bitter.
I have been brought up not to lie, yet when friends or family ask how things are going I just say things like "Yes I saw plenty today", or "there was plenty of opportunities today" which they assume means I've had a good day, and I wont put them right, but just smile. Yes its technically not lying, yet I feel like I am lying to myself everyday, and this just destroys me.
If there's any words of advise, pearls of wisdom that anyone can give me, or by those who have been through this and come out the other end can give me I would greatly appreciate it.
Thank you
Best
John.