Good Banter

Warning: the thread that follows is highly likely to offend the members of the forum with a fragile disposition. It will probably make jokes at the expense of just about every minority group (sexual disposition, religion, that kind of thing), so if this is likely to upset you, **** off. We are having a laugh.

It's nearly Friday; I've just made myself a Bloody Mary; I'm not touching the markets with a bargepole, but it's too early to quit for the weekend and "Strictly Come Dancing: It takes two" doesn't start for another half hour......


So, to kick things off I'll start with those who I know will recieve the comments in the manner they are meant - not that I care anyway, they're all about as useful as a flaccid w*nk as far as I'm concerned (and in no particular order....):

Banter: Round 1

Arabianights is a northern monkey.

Lee Shepherd said:

Credit crunch, what the hell when you have theses 3 girls getting drunk in the bedroom.


Girls are good, drunk girls are even better.

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Says alot about you mate if they are the ones getting drunk... I have often found the results of seduction preferable to those of sedation. Then again. I'm not an ugly ****.

BSD said:

Initially thought I'd been sleepwalking, or that wasp had smuggled some gin into my coffee

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Yeah yeah yeah... "Gin" and "coffee"... everyone has secret names for them. Tell us, is he really a Sweepy Long Banana Fiend? Or were you the pillowbiter. Also, please clarify - Belgians... are you the ones who surrender, or just too stoned to notice?

LM: One must raise awareness that a man on the internet is inviting conversation under the alias of a childrens cartoon character...

a bloody marry? ooff suit you sir

Genics said:

a bloody marry? ooff suit you sir

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and a few too many by the looks of things :cheers:

Well if you want offensive........

Because of Parkinson's: An Thread of Epic Proportions from /b/

* Michael J. Fox plays one hell of a tambourine. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox puts too much salt on his food. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox's Polaroids develop more quickly. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox once caused a can of soda to explode in someone's face just by handing it to him. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J Fox can never play Operation. Because of Parkinson's.
* You know that scene in BTTF where Michael J Fox is on the stage and he's jumping around with the guitar? It wasn't in the script, he just did it. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox's cellphone is always on vibrate. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox can do an amazing impression of the car scene from A Night at the Roxbury. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J Fox has an oscillation rate of over 9000 movements per second which allows him to oscillate against the natural rate of 88 movements per second creating a quantum flux, which is what makes time travel possible. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J Fox doesn't make paintings, he makes Rorschach tests. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox can't **** standing up. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J Fox holds the high score on DDR. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox knows the Mexican Hat Dance. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox accidentally erases everything he draws on an Etch-a-Sketch. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox is now placed on bottles of Yoo Hoo instead of Shake Well. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox only needs to put his toothbrush on his teeth and have his head do the rest. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox enjoys masturbation a lot more. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox's LiveJournal reads like a word search. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox always makes a mess at Denny's. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox almost lost his job at the tattoo parlor. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox cums all over the girl, not in her ******. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox can't put an old limp dollar bill inside a vending machine. Because of Parkinson's.
* In Soviet Russia, Parkinson's has been severely debilitated and will probably die quite young. Because of Michael J. Fox.
* Michael J. Fox can now dodge bullets. Because of Parkinson's
* Michael J. Fox's wife gets earth-shattering fingerbangs. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox should be in the back in a hip hop music video. Because of Parkinson's.
* Michael J. Fox will be rolling in his grave. Because of Parkinson's.
* Parkinson's is now known world wide. Because of Michael J. Fox.
* Michael J Fox always looks like he's on a pogo stick because of Parkinson's.
* Because of Parkinson's nobody will ever be able to tell if Michael J Fox is being electrocuted.

Because of Parkinson's - Encyclopedia Dramatica
Talk:Because of Parkinson's - Encyclopedia Dramatica

MrGecko said:

LM: One must raise awareness that a man on the internet is inviting conversation under the alias of a childrens cartoon character...

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A bit rich from a spammy advertising persona perhaps


YouTube - geico gecko interview

Dear Wasp,

May I offer you my sincerest congratulations on managing to successfully complete a task commonly known as "Cut and Paste". I can appreciate it will have been a particularly difficult task, given your credentials as One with the mental capacity of a small child. I am sure the rest of the forum will understand that a grown man with Batfink as an avatar must surely be granted some leeway, mistaking "a list of things that happens when you shake like a b@stard" with something mildly entertaining. Moreover, you neglect to mention the skill that Mr. Fox demonstrates when putting ketchup on his chips. Mind you, you always did give the impression of preferring the brown stuff.

Whilst on a gap year, I arranged for some voluntary work at a respite centre for the elderly in western Africa. I can assure you, the symptoms you describe with such flippance are not pleasant to witness at first hand (have you ever tried to get ketchup out of a white shirt? Silver service my eye!). However, some solace can be claimed from the fact that the sufferers of such terrible conditions are blissfully ignorant of their circumstances. They havent got a telly, poor buggers, so don't know the foggiest about Parkinson - instead, they make frequent requests to their Gods for precipitation, through the medium of performing arts.

Sir, you do us a disservice by witholding your own brand of irreverent wit from us. We don't expect much. Judging from your alleged nocturnal activities with BSD, there can be no doubt you have the worldly wisdom to conjure some anecdotal tale from your archives (nono... archives) that is certain to [be/a]muse us.

Kindest regards,

MrG

MrGecko said:

Arabianights is a northern monkey.

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gecko is a southern poove

*****, the lot of you.

MrGecko said:

Judging from your alleged nocturnal activities with BSD

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Ah.

We were doing a spot of benchmarking in the animal kingdom, to see what best practises we could adopt from there.




Reptiles - and Geckos in particular - have a distinct fondness for same-sex hanky-panky, and, not having had much else to do at the time, we just figured we'd have a go at our own gay-pay-day.

Never know where one can learn what from.

MrGecko said:

Dear Wasp,

May I offer you my sincerest congratulations on managing to successfully complete a task commonly known as "Cut and Paste". I can appreciate it will have been a particularly difficult task, given your credentials as One with the mental capacity of a small child. I am sure the rest of the forum will understand that a grown man with Batfink as an avatar must surely be granted some leeway, mistaking "a list of things that happens when you shake like a b@stard" with something mildly entertaining. Moreover, you neglect to mention the skill that Mr. Fox demonstrates when putting ketchup on his chips. Mind you, you always did give the impression of preferring the brown stuff.

Whilst on a gap year, I arranged for some voluntary work at a respite centre for the elderly in western Africa. I can assure you, the symptoms you describe with such flippance are not pleasant to witness at first hand (have you ever tried to get ketchup out of a white shirt? Silver service my eye!). However, some solace can be claimed from the fact that the sufferers of such terrible conditions are blissfully ignorant of their circumstances. They havent got a telly, poor buggers, so don't know the foggiest about Parkinson - instead, they make frequent requests to their Gods for precipitation, through the medium of performing arts.

Sir, you do us a disservice by witholding your own brand of irreverent wit from us. We don't expect much. Judging from your alleged nocturnal activities with BSD, there can be no doubt you have the worldly wisdom to conjure some anecdotal tale from your archives (nono... archives) that is certain to [be/a]muse us.

Kindest regards,

MrG

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**** you you **** **** **** wanker. Take **** ****ing bitch **** piping **** ****ing **** and marigolds **** paint stripper **** and **** **** ****ing nose.

so **** you

BSD said:

Ah.

We were doing a spot of benchmarking in the animal kingdom, to see what best practises we could adopt from there.


Reptiles - and Geckos in particular - have a distinct fondness for same-sex hanky-panky, and, not having had much else to do at the time, we just figured we'd have a go at our own gay-pay-day.

Never know where one can learn what from.

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BSD though, more like a chameleon... Ooooh, how he changes at night! :cheesy:

All traders are fcuking idiots and the sole cause for this financial mess we're in.

Any one that trades wants to get a real job and stop trying to bankrupt everyone else.

And as for Mr Gecko, I may an ugly c*nt but just like you, my tongue can touch my eyebrows. Thats why I'll wake up with 3 girls in my bed.

Fcuk you all.

wasp said:

BSD though, more like a chameleon... Ooooh, how he changes at night! :cheesy:

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Can't remember which I changed into last night, too much of your Gin.

Banter?

Banter, you say?

Let's not cloud the issue chaps.

Let's see your mating rituals for what they are.

Gumping said:

Banter?

Banter, you say?

Let's not cloud the issue chaps.

Let's see your mating rituals for what they are.

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Fancy a shag?

arabianights said:

Fancy a shag?

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Now THAT's what I call banter!!

Shags are goose-sized dark long-necked birds similar to cormorants but smaller and generally slimmer with a characteristic steep forehead. In the breeding season adults develop a dark glossy green plumage and prominent recurved crest on the front of their head. In the UK they breed on coastal sites, mainly in the north and west, and over half their population is found at fewer than 10 sites, making them an Amber List species. Shags usually stay within 100-200km of their breeding grounds.

Where to see them
During the breeding season at their large Scottish colonies on Orkney, Shetland, the Inner Hebrides and the Firth of Forth. Elsewhere they can be seen commonly around the coasts of Wales and South West England (especially Devon and Cornwall).

When to see them
All year round

What they eat
Fish and occasionally crustacea and molluscs.

Estimated numbers
Europe UK breeding* UK wintering* UK passage*
- 27,477 pairs 100-150,000 birds -

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from: The RSPB: Shag

Nerd!

See that:



That's you, that is. That's you in your favorite pants, trying your best to look sexy.

Oh dear...